Ingratiation is gaining favor by deliberate effort. Ingratiation techniques can include compliments, flattery, and agreeableness. Ingratiation can also involve a special recognition of someone such as, "We don't usually do this, but in your case I'm going to make an exception," or "I am personally going to take care of this matter and see that you get what you want." Many people consider ingratiation sucking up or brown-nosing, but the method works and ingratiation makes people more persuadable. The reason this strategy works is because The Law of Esteem increases likeability and promotes an increase in ego. Research has demonstrated these conclusions about using ingratiation. In one study, "ingratiators" were perceived as more competent, motivated, and qualified for leadership positions by their supervisors. In another study, subordinates who used ingratiation developed an increased job satisfaction for themselves, their coworkers, and their supervisor. In yet another study, ingratiators enjoyed a 5 percent edge over noningratiators in earning more favorable job evaluations.8 Ingratiation works even when it is perceived as a deliberate effort to win someone over. Our esteem is so starved that we accept any flattery or praise we can get. Closely related to praise is acceptance. We all long for acceptance. We want to feel like our actions and contributions help an effort or cause. We want to be noticed by others. We all want to be someone of significance who is held in high regard. Knowing this, you can help your listeners and prospects feel that their help is appreciated, that they are personally accepted, and that their contributions are essential. When they feel accepted unconditionally, with no strings attached, their doubts, fears, and inadequacies will go out the window. Be kind, don't patronize, and be genuine in your acceptance--have it come from your heart. When that sense of belonging is established, you have tapped into a basic human need. For additional information on Secret Techniques, go to Magnetic Persuasion and kick start your success! Have you ever watched a politician on the campaign trail? You always see it on television. Amidst the throngs of people, the candidate strives to shake hands and look into the eyes of as many individual people as possible. He wants his supporters to feel that their individual efforts contribute to the cause, that without their help, the cause would be lost. This personal touch boosts morale so that everyone wants to help out and will not rest until the candidate who reached out and shook their hand secures the victory. Never criticize people you want to persuade or influence. It damages your relationship and destroys the connection you have with them. Instead, use praise and appreciation to increase acceptance and self-confidence. Many times an overly zealous boss destroys any possibility for loyalty and genuine compliance by telling subordinates why their ideas are stupid and will never work. Little does he know that these belittling comments will only make his staff cling to their own ideas and resent his even more. One way to make people feel accepted is to offer genuine thanks. Seek to make a conscientious and deliberate effort to thank people. Don't assume they know you care and appreciate them. Don't make the mistake of thinking that a paycheck is thanks enough. One of the main reasons people are dissatisfied with their jobs is because they are never thanked or given any recognition for their efforts. It might seem unnatural to use thanks and gratitude, since most people were not raised in an environment where doing so was commonplace, but it's worth the effort to learn how to dole out thanks effectively. Often individuals increase their feelings of acceptance by building their association with certain people, places, or things. This has been referred to as the Social Identity Theory. For example, a sports fan may increase his self-esteem by plastering his walls with his favorite team's sports paraphernalia. Even though no one on that team has any clue who this Joe Schmo is, he feels better about himself anyway, just because of the association and identity he has created for himself with the team. Thinking back, why was it such a life-or-death situation to belong to social groups in high school? A sense of belonging is even more important to us as adults. Whom you know and what you have are in direct correlation to your self-esteem and acceptance. We all have an ego, and at times a very fragile one. We all yearn to feel important. The ego, or the individuality of each person, demands respect, wants approval, and seeks accomplishment. Deep inside every man and woman is a desire for importance and approval. This ego of ours can cause us to act illogically and destructively, or it can cause us to act nobly and bravely. When our ego is starved, we seek nourishment for it in any way we can get it. Feed the hungry ego and it will be more persuadable. This hunger is universal; we need our ego fed on a daily basis. We have to have an affirmation every day that our worth as a human being is still intact and that we are appreciated and noticed. After analyzing many surveys, J.C. Staehle found that the principal causes of dissatisfied workers stemmed from the actions of their supervisors. Those actions included the following, listed in the order of their importance: * Failing to give employees credit for suggestions
* Failing to correct grievances
* Failing to encourage employees
* Criticizing employees in front of other people
* Failing to ask employees their opinions
* Failing to inform employees of their progress
* Practicing favoritism All of these causes are related to a bruised ego. This is unfortunate because studies show that employees are most effective when they are recognized for their efforts. Psychologists at the University of Michigan found that the foreman of a construction crew who is interested in the people working under him gets more work out of them than the bossy type who tries to force them to work harder. Conclusion Persuasion is the missing puzzle piece that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost because of your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure youve seen some success, but think of the times you couldnt get it done. Has there ever been a time when you did not get your point across? Were you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and accomplish their goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, know what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feel more confident in your ability to persuade. Kurt Mortensens trademark is Magnetic Persuasion; rather than convincing others, he teaches that you should attract them, just like a magnet attracts metal filings. He teaches that sales have changed and the consumer has become exponentially more skeptical and cynical within the last five years. Most persuaders are using only 2 or 3 persuasion techniques when there are actually 120 available! |
