"When will you ever learn?"

From the same family as

"why can't you ever....."

and

"how many times have I told you....."

Do we really, actually, really believe that our kids are going to respond well to some of the dumb things we say? Did we respond well when our parents said these things to us? How would you respond if your boss spoke to you that way?

How to commit an adultism

These are what Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott, authors of "Positive Discipline for Teenagers" call "adultisms."

Don't worry, this has nothing to do with adultery.

We commit an adultism when we forget what it's like to think, act and perceive the world as a child and then expect a child who has never been an adult to think, act and perceive the world like an adult.

Newsflash: Adults and teens see the world and think differently than one another. I'm not trying to be sarcastic here. I'm simply trying to remind us of what we already know - teens are not yet adults.

They won't unless we teach them.

ParentTip One - An alternative would be to simply ask,

"what were you trying to accomplish by (fill in the blank)."

ParentTip Two - Try the Columbo approach - you know the one "help me out here, I'm a little confused. What were you trying to do?"

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com