Other people can bring tremendous happiness to our lives but we cannot rely on them alone for happiness. Clinging to people because we think our happiness depends on them can have a disastrous effect on any relationship.

Our happiness, ultimately, is our own responsibility and not someone else's.

Trisha Goddard runs a kind of Oprah solve your problems discussion group on UK TV. One of her guests, Sarah, aged 25, was worried that her younger boyfriend would cheat on her with younger women.

Trisha advised her to stop worrying and get off her butt and do exercise etc to make herself the best she could be at 25. This would help her to feel good about herself whatever else happened.

"You can't stop any one cheating on you", said Trisha. "They will do what they have to do but you can work on yourself. So do what you can do and do not have angst about what you can't."

No one can control how someone else feels about them; they can only ultimately control how they feel about themselves. If they learn to love themselves they are more likely to be loved by others.

People are more likely to love themselves if they make the most of themselves by following Trisha's advice i.e. "Get off your butt and do exercise or whatever it takes to be the best you can be."

In fact, Sarah was worrying unnecessarily. Her younger boyfriend told her he loved her and would not cheat on her because he already had what he wanted. He just wanted some peace!

Another guest, Andrea, was concerned about her attractiveness and her life. She had put on 8 stone in one year and weighed 20 stone. She just sat at home on her bed in her nightie but was scared of sleeping in case she did not wake up: "I can't sleep and I can't breathe."

Some very good advice was provided with enthusiasm by a caring audience

One young woman suggested that Andrea go shopping with daughter, Vickie, and buy some clothes she looked good in. She should also buy some clothes too small to give her a goal to work towards.

Another woman called Samantha described how she trained twice a week for two hours: "The other people in the gym don't notice you. I had to go because I was paying! The trainer turned 'I can't' into 'I can' by just telling me: 'You are doing this.' "

Anthony Brown, an expert from the audience, gave Andrea some four star advice: "Structure your day and work out a schedule. Don't eat after 7 p.m. What you want will happen. What you want to achieve is achievable. Don't be scared to lose weight because there can't be anything scarier than dying or getting some illness from obesity in a few years time. Help your family and your self as well. Take action for yourself because you are doing it for you and you want to feel better."

Of course the advisers could not follow their advice on Andrea's behalf. That is the bad news but the good news is that, as humans, we can choose to follow any good advice we want and no one else can stop us except ourselves. This good news is obvious but we often seem to forget it. Our life and our happiness are in our own hands.

We've got the whole of the rest of our lives in our hands!

John Watson

John Watson was born in Shanghai at the start of World War II on Dec 31st 1939

His father, a British civil engineer, was given the choice of working in the mines of Northern China for the occupying forces or going to a concentration camp. He refused to work for the invading forces.

As a result the whole family were imprisoned in a concentration camp in the middle of China in 1942. Eric Liddell (featured in the Chariots of Fire) the Scottish runner and missionary was imprisoned in the same camp.

In 1945 the family was rescued by American troops who were parachuted in. John's most treasured possession from this time is a plane made of bullets given him by one of the US soldiers. The tail parts have been lost but most of it remains. He also remembers being given a bottle of coca cola by one of the US troops and has been an addict ever since!

They moved to England and then, when John's father died, to the Isle of Man.

John went to school in the Isle of Man and then taught Physical Education at a prep school in Hertfordshire. Around this time he had three mystical experiences of contact with God.

He then studied English Literature at Cambridge University and later became an English teacher in South East London but, after 5 years, he did a diploma in Religious Studies and began teaching about religion full time.

After 33 years teaching in three London Comprehensive schools, John retired from teaching. He received several awards and commendations for teaching both religious studies and the martial arts. He still teaches martial arts after beginning training in karate at the age of 37. The style he now teaches is Choikwangdo, a brilliant self-defence and health oriented style founded by Grandmaster Kwang Jo Choi in 1987.

In his retirement he began studying internet marketing and continued his study of the psychology of achievement and self development. This has always been a key interest.

John plans on writing reports and books on both teaching and on achievement in general. He feels that many schools let their students down by not teaching enough about how to study (by using mind maps for example) and about how to set goals and how to start saving money for their early retirement!

John's main aim is to make the most of his own potential and to help others make the most of their's. He also wishes to pass on whatever he knows of the meaning of life and to discover more and share more about the truths behind the universe.