A common parental concern that, as a martial arts instructor, I continue to encounter is in the difficulty that parents often encounter in getting their youth student to class. "I have to fight to get them here," or... "He just wants to play with his friends," are common statements that I hear. Often, parents consider letting their child quit but then come to find that's not what the student wants. "How," they ask me, "can he want to keep training but fight me when it's time to come to karate class?" They find it very difficult to understand the contradiction between having to fight to get their child to class and the fact that they have so much fun when they get here. To solve the 'mystery' and eliminate the misunderstanding we must understands the way a child thinks and the way their brain has developed to this point in their young lives. It's very important for parents and teachers alike to remember that... ...kids are not adults in little bodies. And, many of the things that we, or more correctly, our fully-developed brains, take for granted aren't even possible in the still-developing processes of a child's mind. So, what makes them resist coming to class but enjoy it once they are there? The answer is: timing. Quite frankly, children (and some adults) have not developed an understanding of the concept of scheduling and timing. That is to say that, once they have become involved in something, that's what they want to do. Anything else, regardless of how pleasurable or necessary, at that moment, is seen as a hinderance to 'this moment's fun.' Whether it's watching TV, playing with their friends, or whatever, once a child becomes involved in something, anything, that "thing" gets ALL of their attention - period. So, what's a parent to do elleviate the frustration, both themselves as-well-as the child? How do they avoid making the mistake of pulling their child out of martial arts training - the one thing they need to teach their son of daughter the life lessons that won't be taught in any other school they ever go to? Of all of the possibile answers that I share with the parents who bring their children to me, my best advice is... "Don't let your child get involved with anything that you know will grab their attention in a way that will make it difficult for both of you, within at least one hour of leaving the house to go to martial arts class." But, what can they do if they can't get involved in anything? Simple. Have them get ready for class. Have them make sure that their uniform, including martial arts belt, is in order and folded neatly. Have them review their moves, any vocabulary that is required, or even tell you something "cool" or "awesome" that hope to work on when they get to class. The point is, to really help your child to develop the discipline necessary to succeed in the martial arts and to achieve their goal of becoming a Black Belt, you will have to use your brain to help them make up for those areas of their own that have not yet developed. By understanding your child's needs, from THEIR perspective and not simply your own, you will rise above the masses of clueless parents who act out of frustration born of a lack of understanding of what it means to be... ...a parent. Too bad they don't hand out Black Belts to parents who achieve this level of understanding, don't you think?! |
